Here is a story a client I journeyed with three years ago shared with me, to summarize her journey of healing from deep hurts that her mother had caused her, and how they were influencing her motherhood negatively.
My mother, though a woman of faith, carried her own pain, and it seeped into our relationship. Her words, sometimes laced with scripture, often felt like judgment rather than love. I internalized a sense of unworthiness, a feeling that I could never quite measure up. I carried that into my own parenting, even as I desperately wanted to do things differently.
There are moments when I see my mother’s shadow in my own actions. A sharp tone when patience is needed, a dismissive wave when my child expresses a fear, a subtle pressure to perform rather than simply be. Afterward, the guilt is a heavy cloak…
I remember one particular instance with my 7 year old daughter was struggling with a school project, her frustration bubbling into tears. Instead of offering comfort, I found myself echoing my mother’s words, “You need to try harder. Stop being over emotional.” The look on her face was a mirror to my own childhood pain, and I instantly regretted my words.
The weight of wounding my children, especially when I carry my own wounds from my mother, felt like a double burden. The desire to break those cycles was a constant prayer, a plea for God’s grace to intervene where my own strength was failing.
That is when I reached out for coaching sessions. I knew I couldn’t walk this path alone. It was so good to finally meet someone who ‘got me’, validated me and pointed me to God’s truth and even prayed for me. Thank you Paps!
After a few sessions, she mentioned about renewing my mind to new neuropathways and sent some verses I needed to look up and pray through on God’s unconditional love and His compassion for the brokenhearted. I sat on my bedside one night taking it all in, then made a bold prayer for God to heal the wounds within me and transform me into a vessel of His love for my children.
I realized that healing wasn’t just about changing my behavior; it was about surrendering my own brokenness to God. It was about allowing Him to rewrite the narrative of my life, to replace the voices of judgment with His voice of love.
I continued to practice more intentional self-reflection, asking God to reveal the root of my reactions. I learned to recognize the triggers that sent me spiraling into old patterns. I began to replace the negative self-talk with affirmations rooted in scripture, reminding myself that I am a child of God, loved and accepted.
I also began to practice more intentional parenting. When Suzie came to me with a problem, I learned to listen with my heart, to validate her feelings, to offer comfort rather than judgment. I apologized when I made mistakes, explaining that even parents are works in progress.
I started to incorporate more scripture into our family life, reading stories of God’s love and grace. We prayed together, asking for God’s guidance and strength. I desired to create an environment where my children felt safe to express their emotions, to ask questions, and to know that they are unconditionally loved by God and by me.
Two years later, my journey is not without some challenges. There are still moments when I stumble, when the old wounds resurface. But I have learned to rely on God’s grace, to trust in His promise to redeem even the most broken parts of our lives. I understand that healing is a process, a continuous surrender to God’s love.
I am learning to forgive my mother, not to excuse her actions, but to release the bitterness that has held me captive. I am learning to forgive myself, to accept that I am not perfect, but that I am loved and redeemed by God’s grace. And I am learning to raise my children with the love and compassion that I longed for as a child, trusting that God will use my brokenness to bring healing and wholeness to our family.
Are there parts of you that relate to this story? Sign up here to join Healing Mother Wounds Webinar on 26th March @8pm It will be absolutely FREE!